Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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