Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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