I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
