too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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