What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
