I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
