I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
