I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
