so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
