i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
