Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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