There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
