if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
