So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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