Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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