you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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