I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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