My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
