She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize