At least make sure they are 18
Why
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
