ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
