I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
