i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
