omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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