I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
