Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
