The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
