If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You ate ashes out of my bong
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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