Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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