What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
