I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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