Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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