Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
