Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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