what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
