my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
