Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
