You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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