nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
