I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
as a side note pls kill me
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