It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
