she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
