about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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