I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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