mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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