Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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