We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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