Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
did i just pee glitter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
