I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
