i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I touched a dick in church today
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wear drunk well.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
