from now on my penis is your penis
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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