Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
