i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
