I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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