If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it because I queefed?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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