i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
