Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
