You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I love you.
Bad choice
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
