i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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