When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
