is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
