So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
