kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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