I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
