id be glad to
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
