Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
