Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
