That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
