and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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