I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
