Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
