I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
