if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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