At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
