He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
