the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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