Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
