Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize