eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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