i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
