just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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