I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
