Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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