Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
