Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
now i know why i became what i already was.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
